Sample essay 4: Band 6 : Financial education

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries the discussion about the rising financial problems of young people has been getting more emphasis. Tough some people are voting to integrate financial education as a schooling subject.

The key problem for many young people is that they don’t know how to use and spend money in the right way. The “get what you want mentality” is widely advertised by the mass media and it looks like some people think that living with interest fees is normal. Though financial problems in young life are very common with the result that it is difficult to learn how to spend money appropriated. The main idea of teaching a financial subject must be to explain about a balanced budget and that debt could ruins one’s future.

But this is just one side that has to be considered. For me, the main question is why the parents cannot give the right advice to their kids? To leave such a personal subject in the hands of government and school means to ignore a key task of any parent: to be a good role model.

Moreover it should be considerate that the social effects of talking about money and finance in a socially diverse school class can be harmful for some students. In my opinion it is more important to teach parents about their responsibilities as a role model and have them educate the children about this private topic in a safe and private environment.

All in all I think the main task of public institutions should be to educate about common subjects and not to give such personal advice like the use of money.

This essay is not bad. It has the right structure – 5 paragraphs, and it covers the task. The paragraphs can be improved – make them similar in size, the 2nd paragraph is too long compared to the 3rd . The grammar and spelling need some attention and the linking words could be used more elegantly, see details in the comments underlined in blue. Overall, this looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

If you find mistakes, you are go ahead 6 band. Here are mistakes:

Tough                   : In appropriate word
Schooling subject : mandatory subject at school
with inerest fees   : in debt
it is difficult to learn how to spend money appropriated : Confusing
But  : However
considerate : considered

Sample essay 3: Band 6 : Leisure time activities

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that develop the mind, such as reading and doing crossword puzzles. Others feel that it is important to give one’s mind a rest in leisure time. Discuss.
As we are human we naturally need to rest on leisure time to recover thestress of work and everyday life. In fact, every individual need to do what they want and belong to them. Personally, I prefer to be active during this time because it is feel right to me better. Moreover, people are free for what they do on their leisure time, and nobody can say what it is the best.

Some people want to relax after their day of work. These people may prefer to relax by watching movies, reading or getting a massage. People who have a physically jobs such as doctors, teachers and builders may choose these types of activities. If you are a doctor, you may feel that you want to let your body rest after work and you don’t want to do a five kilometer run after work, because you are already physically tired.

On the other hand, some people choose to be active in their leisure time because they do very sitting jobs. For example, these people many spend all day sitting on a chair and do their work. At the end of a working day, they may be have a backache, and all of their body become tired so they need to stretch their arms and improve their health by doing some activity such as going to the gym or swimming.

To sum up, the important thing is that people want to stay healthy by choosing what is best for them. In my view, the wrong way is to stay at home in your leisure time if you have a setting job.

This essay needs work. It has the right structure and covers the task. However there are many poorly structured sentences, many of the sentences are too simple and don’t have enough complexity, there are grammatical errors and some prepositions are use incorrectly (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, this looks like a Band 6 – 6.5 essay.

 If you find mistakes, you are go ahead 6 bands. Here are the mistakes:

on              : in our
recover      : recover from the
thestress    : make space between word
belong to them : confusing word
it is feel right to me better : confusing word for statement
for : to choose
on : in
it   : activity
physically jobs : physically active jobs
very sitting jobs : not move much on their jobs
do : doing
may be have : might have
become : might become
setting : sitting

Sample essay 2: Band 6: Critical factors to the development of a country

Some people say education is the only critical factor to the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One the one hand good education is a highly recommended skill in the developed countries, on the other hand the highest wish of many people in regions of poverty. But what makes education to the key factor for the development of a country?
We must acknowledge that education is something that we all need. The differences are just what we learn. Mostly the limited educational horizons of poor and less educated people have more to deal with their personal situation than with problems of bigger effects on a country. Attending school is sometimes too expensive and it does not feed a family.

Nevertheless there must be a reason for education. For me it looks like some countries have realized that Education is the key for the globalization process. If we take India for example we can see that a change in the educational system had changed the economy of the country. The country has changed from a poor region to a high potential aria for IT knowledge.

In regard to this fact it is a must that the Governments of less developed countries take the power of education seriously and offer it to a wide range of people. Spending money for education is the key tippy title=”for”]to[/tippy] a new future effects on the economy and social life. All in all I agree with the importance of education for the development of a country. Less knowledge leads to poverty and not to knowledge that has wide effects. Learning and Knowledge is Power and an investment in the near future and therefore it has to be an official task.

This essay covers the task. It has a good structure, however the conclusion paragraph is too big – consider splitting it into 2 paragraphs, with the last one being the conclusion. As to the structure of sentences, there are several sentences that should be rephrased (see comments for suggestions). The grammar also needs some attention (see underlined in blue comments for details). Overall, this looks like a band 6.5 essay.


If you find mistake from above essay, you are ahead of 6 band. Here are the mistakes,

the highest wish : It is the biggest wish
to the                  : the
?                         : Do not write questions in essay. You can try "There are several reasons that make education a key factors"
The                    : That
aria                    : area
it is a must that the Governments of less developed countiries take the power : Rephrase that
for                      : on
not to knowledge that has wide effects :  confusing

Sample essay 1: Band 6: Globalization

Even though Globalization affects the world’s economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten. Discuss.

Everything has tow sides in the world, and so has the prosses of globalization too. The effects of globalization on the world economy are diverted.

We must acknowledge that the negative effects are from a different kind than the positive ones.Therfor the negative sides, like low paiment in less developed countries are important to conciderate.

If we take the Eurozone for example, the economic changes according to the gloablisation process are huge. Many companies have transferred their factories into cheaper production earies to compeat in the world markes. The results are rising unemployment rates in the “old industrial countries”.

In regard to the other countries on the world market, such as China, this job transfer is a big opportunity. But no one can denie that the consequences for the less developed countries where economy flourished, based on availability of cheap employees are highly important: globalization based on this facts brings enviromantal problems.

Nevertheless, there are also posive reasons for globlaistaional effects. In general it is remarkable that there is a new tendency in “Thinking Global”. For instance, people are willing to leran more languages and get educated about othe cultures. Countries fromaly knowen as undeveloped, such as India, are getting chances to be the main leader in a certain field.

All in all it can be said that the effects of globalization are enormous. The unerstanding of economic processes has changed completely. It is important to think in bigger terms, not just about the owen country. The positive things that this globalization process have brought must sensible us for the negative sides. The all over aim should be a world in balance, but this has yet to come.

This essay needs work. There are multiple spelling errors and unclear expressions (see comments underlined in blue). Also there are many words that are formed incorrectly (diverted instead of diverse, etc). There are too many paragraphs, all you need is 4 – 5 well-structured paragraphs, not 7 poorly structured ones. On the bright side, the task is covered and there are enough words (275), which is good. The paragraphs are logically connected and the linking words are used effectively. Overall, this looks like a Band 6 essay.

If you find mistakes, you are ahead of 6 bands. Here are the mistakes that given in bold marks:

• tow        : two
• prosses  : process
• too         : does not need this
• diverted : diverse
• Therfor  : therefore
• pairment : wages
• conciderate : consider
• according to : caused by
• gloablisation : globalization (globalisation)
• earies            : areas
• compeat       : compete
• markes         : markets
• denie            : deny
• enviromantal : environmental
• posive reasons for globlaistational effects : positive effects to globalization
• leran              :  learn
• othe               :  other
• fromaly knowen : formally known
• main leader   : leader
• unerstanding : understanding
• owen             : person's own
• must sensible : must compensate
• all over aim : overall aim

Sample essay 17: Band 7: Should students travel?

 

Should students travel?

Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students who travel and work after high school before further continuing their education. Do you agree or disagree? 

Nowadays, in our competitive world, to succeed, knowledge from school and university is not enough. Therefore, students who study from the school to university get fewer benefits and contribute less too, compared to those student who travel or work and get experience and skills before going high. There are two following reasons to support for my opinion. I refer to the group of people who study from school to university as ‘group A’ and the other group – as ‘group B’.

Firstly, at school and university, what group A gains is almost entirely theory, theory and theory. Of course, theory is very neccessary, however, you can’t do everything with just theory. You must have praticeable experience. This is what group A lack very much. Although in the third or fourth year at university, group A can be apprentices in some companies, to help them approach their future jobs, they aren’t trained well because of the short time spent working. And the real job is still very strange to them. After graduating, without experience, group A students can’t accomplish their work perfectly. On the other hand, it takes them time and money to keep up with other experienced students and they may be scorned. Therefore, group A students can contribute less than group B who have the two most important things: skills and experience.

Secondly, as group A students are contributing less, they surely get less benefit. Moreover, many companies which employ people in group A have to train them from ground-up. These companies take this cost from group A’s salary to reduce the risk of their employees leaving to other companies after being trained. So, less benefits are unavoidable and certain, Whereas group B members are more loyal and effective workers. They also have useful experience and skills. Besides, their education is the same as or even higher than that of group A. As the result, group B gets more benefits absolutely.

In conclusion, I think a student should travel or work before going to the university. That way, not only will they have basic knowledge but also skills and experience which are useful for them to get a good job and have a brilliant future.

(365 words)

Sample essay 16: Band 7: Computers in the future

 

Computers in the future

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

Today computers are used almost everywhere, it is impossible to imagine our life without PCs, Internet, mobile phones and other computer devices. It is reasonable to think that people look forward to the future of computers. In what field will be computers used for and what role will human has in this world in future?

Besides, computers make our life easier, we can easily get information about any product we plan to buy or place we plan to visit in a second using a personal computer and Internet. Scientists predict that in the nearest future it will be possible to smell a new perfume using the Internet and watch 3D scenes at home like we do in the movie theater. According to forecasts of HR agencies machines will replace jobs of cashiers, and civil and military pilots. Some corporations in Japan are already selling

housewife-robots, which help old people to keep their homes clean.

Despite the fact that computers help us, they make us dependent. Apparently, people spend more time behind monitors than ever before. And some of them feel a need for more time to be spent with people in live contact. In addition, a breakdown of one of the important modules of a specific computer can entail serious consequences. Suffice to mention the computer problem that occurred in the end of 1990s, a problem related to the coming year 2000 (Y2K) and catastrophes that were predicted. Fortunately imminent disasters did not happen. However, it is difficult to imagine what could be if all the predictions came true.

We live in a technological era, computers penetrated everywhere with all benefits they provide and all dangers they hide. However we are satisfied with them and sometimes we even thank them because they help us in communicating, studying, doing business, entertaining and saving lives in critical situations.

 (306 words)

Sample essay 15: Band 7: Working children

 

Working children

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, many children involved in different types of jobs to have some kind of financial assurance for themselves. However, whether this is good for their development and personality is a controversial issue. I personally believe that paid works is harmful for children for several reasons.

It is said that children gain valuable experience in the work place. This may be true. However, I would argue that children are mainly employed in jobs that require manual work and are poorly paid. The recent statistics reveal the common tasks that children are assigned to are washing dishes, mopping floors or serving food in restaurants. Meanwhile, this kind of jobs actually do not provide children with necessary and useful skills to apply in their future carrer.

This brings me to the second point. Defenders of child labour argues that it is an effective method of learning. The point is children should be able to apply knowledge taught to them in a real life working environment. Although this is undoubtedly true, it also means that children may neglect the classroom study and even fail the class. The worst thing is yet to come. They may become so preoccupied with the benefits ahead of them such as small salary that they may leave school.

Finally, supporters say that it helps them to build responsibility in the family. They will understand how it is difficult to earn money and therefore have compassion for their parents. This is true to a certain extent, but may have a totally adverse effect on children. As children can make money at an early age, they would feel that it is appropriate to spend it on luxury things.

In conclusion, I think that parents should take measures to restrict their child from work, otherwise it would have negative consequences to their future.

(301 words)